


The 3rd rule

by BVBJunkie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut, a bit of everything probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23104216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BVBJunkie/pseuds/BVBJunkie
Summary: My try to prove that Hiddlesworth are real… ;)Well, they are!Chris’ point of view.
Relationships: Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston, Tom Hiddleston/ Andrew Scott
Comments: 22
Kudos: 74





	1. Prologue / The Magician

**Author's Note:**

> BTW if you're new to this: I know there are some poorly written chapters but I think it's getting better LOL  
> And I mean, it's Hiddlesworth after all! So go on and give it a try!

#### Prologue

Chris thought the conversation was getting boring.  
Tom was asking these two girls at their table far too many polite questions and they kept talking and talking, and even if it was sweet to see how Tom smiled and nodded politely, Chris was in the mood for a more expressive Tom.  
So he asked him:  
“By the way, Tom, can you suck your own dick?”  
And Bingo!  
Tom’s face was hilarious.  
First it was totally blank -  
So that Chris could reinforce his assumption: “You’re doing Yoga, right? You’re quite flexible, right?”  
Then it changed in milliseconds from an expression of a disbelieving _What did you just ask?_ to an indignantly _Chris, there are girls at the table!_ to a wondering _Is that even possible? I mean, can you?_

Chris loved it. He leaned back with a satisfied smile on his face. That’s how he wanted Tom.

He just needed to get rid of those girls now. 

#### The Magician

When Chris and Tom met at Ken’s house for the first time, it just clicked. They got along immediately and they both knew it would stay that way.  
They could talk for hours, they were joking around like they knew each other forever. So when they began shooting “Thor”, Chris felt lucky to have Tom around. Coming from a big family, Chris always loved having company and Tom at his side was the best thing he could imagine. 

So even after long days at the set, they went out together, almost every night, getting something to drink. They had to! They needed to talk about the day, about this amazing time they were having. Everything was so big at this production. The sets, the costumes, the stars. Nat! Tony! Stell! They needed to get all the impressions out of their heads, so they could sleep at night. 

But going out with Tom was different then Chris was used to. Cause from time to time they would get company. Girls who wanted to get to know them. Nothing extraordinary. Chris was used to that. He was tall, built and some might say good looking. He was easy going. He was Australian. When he walked through a door, all eyes were on him. That was his life.  
When he walked through a door with Tom, all eyes were still on him. But as soon as they sat down with girls, he would notice that the more they chatted, the more the eyes of the girls moved away from him to Tom. To beam at him, to laugh with him, to adore him. It wasn’t that he couldn’t understand these girls, he could! But he just wasn’t used to it. 

So he watched. Fascinated by it. Fascinated by Tom. Cause it wasn’t just his fancy British accent that the girls liked. Tom would begin to talk and after two minutes they were all his. He knew how to attract people. He was like a goddam magician who could pull all sorts of things out of his hat to impress every girl in this goddamn bar. 

Of course he could recite Shakespeare. Of course he could cook and tell you about some recipe so that your mouth got watery. Chris wasn’t surprised. But there was just so much more.  
One night Tom would impersonate Hollywood stars, the other he would start to do some karaoke and sing passionately about love, he would rock the dancefloor with crazy moves or juggle with lemons. He would do tricks with coins or music with spoons. He would speak French or Spanish. He would talk about politics if that was what the girls were interested in.  
He had a sheer endless amount of skills and Chris was so fascinated by it that he felt himself more and more moving to the other side of the table, right beside those girls and he would moon over Tom just like them. 

When he had asked Tom one day why the hell he had all these skills when he himself could only surf, Tom just shrugged and said: “Well, I had extremely good looking friends in college and I had to find a way to get the attention of girls.”

Well it worked. It definitely worked. 

And it somehow became a game for Chris to test Tom’s limits.

Like now when he asked Tom if he could suck his own dick.  
The girls began giggling but Chris couldn’t care less.  
He just looked at Tom and seeing him smiling shyly and being slightly embarrassed was the best.

Tom even had to clear his throat before he could respond. “Sorry to disappoint you but I haven’t had a yoga lesson in … _this_ … yet, so… I guess… ” He put up his hands to apologize, beaming at Chris, “ I’m sorry but I can’t!”

Chris shrugged with his shoulders, answering generously “It’s okay. Nobody’s perfect. I’ll show you a clip later.” And because Tom’s eyes widened in disbelief, he added, “From a movie. Not a porn movie. Maybe you can try one day.”  
He just could not not have said this last sentence. 

The girls giggled again and reminded Chris to get rid of them.  
He looked at his watch, “Oh shoot! Stan wanted to talk to us about the scene tomorrow, we need to go!”  
He winked at Tom and a few minutes later he was sitting with Tom on his hotel bed, the laptop in front of them. After watching this auto cocksucking scene of “Shortbus” – Tom’s face had been a copy of the most joyful disbelief and purest fascination - they kept watching clips of whatever came to their minds. Both taking turns with their _Do you know this? Do you know that?_ s And there was endless laughter, occasional dancing and singing and way too many hand gestures. 

Chris loved those nights.  
It was Tom and Chris and Chris and Tom. 

So when a PR lady of MCU came to them to suggest that they could attract more viewers to the movies by talking about their friendship, he had no problem with it because he could surely lead Tom’s fan base. Tom was fantastic, he was more than proud to be his friend.  


And in the end it all came down to a simple fact:  
Chris loved Tom.  
What could be wrong with that?

****


	2. The kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your Kudos!

#### The kiss

They were famous now. He and Tom. It was bonkers.  
Spotlights and screaming fans everywhere. It was completely crazy.  
Chris’ life had changed so much. He got married to Elsa, he was a daddy now!  
Sometimes he didn’t know which end was up. Bonkers. Really.

He was glad Tom was still at his side. While shooting, seeing him on premieres or just talking to him on the phone in between. Tom was always there.  
He had become an important constant of his life. And sometimes Chris had the feeling Tom was the only one who could understand him.  
He could hardly wait to shoot “Thor 2” with him and he wanted everything to be exactly like it was. Hanging around with Tom, getting out with Tom.  
Like in the old days. As if they were old…  
But it was. Even better.  
They talked, they joked, they laughed and they beamed at each other like always. But they knew each other by heart now, they became best friends, and this made everything even more intimate. When Tom looked at him, the way he just did, Chris knew everything was alright. 

And maybe this was why Chris suddenly got jealous so easily when Tom dared to give his attention to someone other than him. 

One night they were having a great time at the hotel bar, maybe getting a bit more alcohol than usual because they knew they had the next day off. Everything was fine actually but then two girls from the costume department approached them and Tom was talking a bit too enthusiastically to that one girl Anna and Chris somehow did not agree with that.  
His Tom-ometer just wasn’t full yet! How could they dare to try to steal his precious Tom-time from him? They had almost finished shooting and Chris wouldn’t see Tom for months! How could they dare to disturb them? And take Tom away from him?  
So the next minutes when he jokingly called these girls “intruders” and said sentence like “No, he’s mine. I mean it” he had to accept that his jokes did have quite some truth in it. He felt bad for it though. Of course he wasn’t like _jealous jealous_ , of course Tom could talk to whoever he wanted to. But now? Today? When he was with Tom?

He caught himself more and more observing this scene, observing Tom and Anna, and he just occasionally talked to the other girl Clara, so it wouldn’t get weird.  
With every minute that went by, with every drink they drank, he could see that Tom wanted more from Anna than just talk. And Chris noticed with surprise that his inappropriate pouting was slowly replaced by curiosity. He somehow liked watching Tom like this. Flirting with Anna. Making her compliments. Getting shy when she complimented him, beaming like mad when she showed her interest.  
It was so Tom. Tom was so full of love and joy and enthusiasm. When Tom liked a girl, he was hooked immediately. And when he fell for a girl, he fell deep. So deep that conflicts were inevitable. But that was Tom. All-in or nothing.  
To see this now close up front was… beautiful. 

Chris was lost in thoughts or just drunk so that he noticed too late that suddenly Tom leaned over to him. Tom’s blue eyes were beaming, his face one huge lovable smile, and his lips were so close that Chris thought Tom wanted to kiss him.  
“Please come upstairs with me… us!... and get another drink?”  
Tom was drunk. Chris too. He said yes. Not only because of the alcohol. He had the feeling he could never say no to Tom. 

Upstairs in the room the girls were drinking, giggling and dancing, Tom was drinking, giggling and dancing and Chris slowly realized what he was doing. Because what the hell was he doing here? Really. Two guys and two girls in a hotel room. With too much alcohol in their veins. He wasn’t supposed to be here.

Elsa.  
He thought about Elsa.  
And her "rules".  
After “The Avengers” came out and it was clear that Chris was again travelling around the world to promote the movie for far too long and this time more than one fangirl would follow him and lots of pretty woman in pretty dresses would try to get into his pants, one day Elsa had stood in front of him, handing him a note. On it her rules how she wished they would cope with the situation. The rules spun in Chris’ head now. 

_If you ever fuck a girl other than me, I don’t care, just don’t tell me. Come home and fuck me better._

__

__

_If you ever have a crush on a girl other than me, don’t you ever fuck her, don’t give her presents and don’t tell me. Get over it, come home and love me._

In this moment his love for Elsa had even deepened. Not because he thought he could now betray her without remorse. He wouldn’t. But because of the way she handled this.  
He had taken her into his arms and had reassured her:  
“If you ever have another guy, I’ll fight for you. I don’t want any other woman than you.”

And now? What did he do in this room then?  
Okay, Tom had asked him to. That simple.  
But to the girls it might seem a bit different.  
And as if to prove his point, Anna pushed Tom on his bed, leaning over him, kissing him and Clara took this as a signal to go to Chris and kiss him, too.  
“Woah!”

Chris hastily pushed Clara away, not as gently as planned, then smiled apologizing, showing her the ring on his finger. “Sorry… married… remember?”

He felt bad, so bad. He was such a jerk. 

But Clara wasn’t pissed off; she actually took it quite well, smiled back at him “Okay then…” and turned around immediately to join the two lovers on bed. 

And this was a sight Chris could not handle. 

To see how Anna kissed Tom, his Tom, his best friend, soft and passionate while Clara ran her hands all over Tom’s body, one hand lifting Tom’s shirt, the other gliding over Tom’s groin. 

Chris felt his heart hammering in his ears. 

He blamed it on the alcohol, he blamed it on the lack of sex he had the last months. 

Two girls and a man. That was hot per se, right?

“Chris?” Tom tried to get up but the two girls pinned him down. His resistance already weak, his eyes already in trance.

And Chris knew he had to get out here. Quick. 

“I… better go…” He had to clear his throat. ”See you tomorrow…” 

He grabbed his jacket and left the room. 

Oh god, he was a pervert, right? 

He was turned on watching Tom having sex. That was wrong, right?

But fuck! This had been a… beautiful scene. Really.

And to watch something beautiful wasn’t wrong, was it?

Chris was so fucking confused. God.

When he lay in his bed he couldn’t get these images out of his head. 

Tangled bodies. Hands searching for skin. Mouths open from too much heavy breathing. Tom’s eyes filled with lust. 

Looking at him. _Chris?_

Chris groaned into his pillow. This was pathetic. But he couldn't stop thinking about it. 

So when Chris woke up the next morning, he wasn’t really surprised that his dreams had been soaked with diffused images of lust, leaving him agitated and confused. 

And if he remembered it right Tom may even have kissed him. On the mouth. 

*


	3. The kink question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is sorry.. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I know it’s not good… But it already took too long and I needed it to be finished. So if you think it’s at least okay please let me know cause else the story or my writing gets worse I fear… :/_
> 
> _And again sorry about my English. I don't have a beta reader…_
> 
> _Stay healthy and take care of yourself!!!_

#### The kink question

**

“I’m so sorry.” 

At breakfast Tom’s face was all one big sorry, frowning forehead, his eyes shy, an apologizing smile, his head slightly shaking as if he couldn’t believe what he had done. 

“I’m _so_ sorry.”

His hands were also saying sorry. His whole body actually. 

Despite the fact that Chris himself was embarrassed about the way he reacted to what had happened last night and had to jerk off under a cold shower to get the tension out of his body he somehow was quite amused about Tom’s bad conscience. 

“I shouldn’t have asked you…to come with me… _us_! ”

Chris smiled. Even smirked. 

“Nothing to apologize for! In bed with two girls, every man’s dream, right?”

Tom laughed, still embarrassed and nervous but Chris could see that Tom’s body seemingly relaxed. Good. He didn’t want Tom to feel bad about yesterday and he didn’t want this to stand between them. The sooner everything was normal again the better. His reaction and his dream were just some - 

“I don’t know what the fuzz about it is, though…” Tom looked at Chris questioning.

The fuzz about what? Chris was lost for a second. Oh, the threesome. 

“I mean”, Tom hesitated, apparently not knowing if he should go on, laughed again, covering his face in his hands for a second before continuing. “You know, there were like…” he looked around to make sure nobody was listening, then looked back at Chris, still not sure, if he should say out loud what he was thinking, finally inhaling. “Well, when you think about it, there were like too many holes…” he raised his index finger and squinted, “and just one stick... If you know what I mean…”

What? What did he just say? Oh God! Tom was in every way hilarious.

They both cracked up laughing like two teens in middle class. 

It felt good though. And Chris noticed with relief that he was back to being relaxed, too. 

“Maybe you should try out two guys and a girl then?” he suggested with a grin. 

Fuck. He should not have said that. It definitely produced the wrong images in his head. So much for being relaxed. 

Tom shrugged his shoulders, smiling. “This might be a better combination, yes.”

“That’s your kink then?” Chris got curious even if he knew he should change the subject. Definitely change the subject. 

“I actually… don’t… know…” Tom admitted. He apparently let the idea run through his head before coming to the conclusion that “Nah..” this was not his kink. 

Why was Chris disappointed about that? It wasn’t his kink either. 

“So what is it then?” Was he getting too curious? These were still buddy questions, right?

Tom pondered. “I have no idea. Actually.” 

“Oh come on, you must have a kink! A little bondage… or…”

… watching his best friend having sex. Chris groaned inwardly. Not again these images. He really needed to replace them with something else. Surfing. Surfing was safe.

Oh shit, Tom had said something. “Huh?”

“Is it a kink, though?” Tom repeated his question. “I mean, isn’t it quite… normal?”

What? Watching his – Oh, the bondage! And Tom thought this was: “ _Normal_?” Woops, Chris voice was way too hoarse.

For a second they just looked at each other before they cracked up laughing again. 

“So you tie up all your girlfriends??” 

“No… No!! That’s not what I meant!” 

Blushing Tom was really the best. 

“But I thought when you are in a relationship…” Tom waved at Chris’ with his hand as if this said everything. 

“You mean I should tie up Elsa? No problem, I tell her you said I need to tie her up. To spice up our marriage. Is it that what you mean?”

“Who said that _you_ should tie _her_ up?”

Wait. Okay when he thought about it… Chris made an agreeing face. “Well, fair enough.” 

Again a laughing Tom buried his face in his hands. “Oh God! How the hell did we get here? But yeah, sure, tell her my regards...And no need to thank me. You’re welcome. That’s what friends do, right?”

Chris was loving it. This conversation. Tom. 

For a moment they were just smiling at each other. 

And Chris knew they _both_ loved this. 

Tom broke eye contact to take a sip from his coffee. 

Then apparently a thought crossed his mind. 

Chris loved how one could read what was going on in Tom’s head. 

Well, if Tom let you. 

Tom could be blank as an unwritten page but Chris had the feeling when he was with Tom, Tom always showed his true self. 

“Maybe I have… a location kink. If you can call it a kink…”

Chris was immediately intrigued. 

“Like outdoor sex?”

“Not necessarily... Well, some place other than your bed that’s for sure.”

“ _My_ bed? You mean like - ”

Tom gave him a don’t-tease-me look and Chris shut up. It was far more interesting to hear what Tom had to say than making stupid jokes anyway. So he listened to Tom unfolding his thoughts. 

“… It’s probably not so much the thrill of being caught but… more… the fascination of… special places...the distinctiveness of places… _beautiful_ places…“ Chris loved pondering Tom, his eyes sparkling, using every word with care. “All kinds of places… like an empty stage, after the last person has left the theatre… like a warm summer night on a roof top overviewing the whole illuminated city… or deep in a tangled jungle on soft green moss… or on top of snowy mountain after you worked your way up there for hours, feeling the fresh air on your skin…” Tom stopped, laughing shyly, “I suppose there are better examples than these…” No, there weren’t! “But yeah something like that…” 

Hell yes, Chris could relate to this. His mind was already triggered. 

“I’d love to be on a deserted island, in a nice water pool, with a small waterfall maybe, my board giving some support when needed…” 

It didn’t sound as poetic as Tom’s fantasies but the way Tom smiled at him, he knew he understood.

His smile was as gentle as ever. He tilted his head.

“So tell me about that place when you found it...”

Chris smiled back. 

“I will, bro, I will…”

And just then, he knew his Tom-kink would not go away soon. 

**


	4. Props

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Wow, two Kudos. This must be my masterpiece ;)  
>  Well thanks to the ones hanging on <3\. And sorry to you about my temporary displeasure to do proper research… I hope it fits, as it is….  
> But as unmotivated as I am, there is no other option: Hiddlesworth need to live! :) So on we go…_

#### Props

**

Chris felt like a kid on the night before Christmas. Tom would visit him on set!  
They were shooting ‘Age of Ultron’ in England. Somehow the producers dared to leave Loki out of this movie, they would be so wrong, but at least Tom could stop by. Yay! 

It was good to see him, it was good to have him around even if it was only for a short time. Their friendship had changed, _they_ had changed. They were older now. They got used to their life in the limelight.  
Chris still got jealous though, if others and especially RDJ wanted a piece of Tom as well. But the looks he shared with Tom, the smile Tom gave him and just him, gave him this feeling of comfort and trust and love, and made him feel like home. 

After Chris finished shooting for the day, he searched for Tom. He hadn’t answered his phone. Chris had seen him with RDJ earlier but when he phoned RDJ he said he wasn’t with him but had seen Tom with Dan, the guy from the props Tom knew from theatre. So Chris went to the prop storage, everything seemed empty, but then he suddenly froze. 

Dan was standing behind a set wall, leaning against a table. He was almost naked. Luscious sounds were leaving his half open mouth. And kneeling before him was… Tom. His Tom. Sucking Dan’s cock. 

“Fuck..” That was Dan.

“Fuck…” That was Tom, turning around, seeing Chris standing there. 

“Sorry, I… didn’t want to interrupt.” That was him. 

And he turned around and left. “Sorry…” 

“Chris!” Tom called after him. 

But Chris was already too far away. What was there to talk anyway? He couldn’t think of a single proper conversation after this. 

“I call you!” Again Tom. 

Chris felt the heat in his body. 

Dan’s face… showing this pure pleasure. 

Tom’s devotion… 

Dan’s fingers in Tom’s hair. 

God.

Chris knew he would get those dreams again. 

Tom didn’t call. He wrote a message that he would come to Chris’ room.  
**


	5. Hiddlesworth - A play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _At least I had fun writing this chapter… :D_

#### Hiddlesworth - A play

CHARACTERS  
TOM (33) – Tom Hiddleston  
CHRIS (30) – Chris Hemsworth

#### Act 4, Scene 2

_CHRIS’ hotel room._

__

__

_TOM knocks at the door and CHRIS opens it._

TOM: I’m so sorry…

CHRIS: No worries, man. I shouldn’t have – Come in.

TOM _(enters the room)_ : I’m sooo sorry!

CHRIS: Nothing to apologize for. 

TOM: It must be horrible to see a friend-

CHRIS: It wasn’t horrible. 

TOM: … in this most unmanly way there is. Really. 

CHRIS: It isn’t. 

TOM: God, I can’t image… I’m really embarrassed. That you saw me like this- 

CHRIS: Don’t be. 

TOM: …in such an… unmanly, effeminate…

CHRIS _(gets louder)_ : It wasn’t!

_TOM stops._

__

__

_Pause._

CHRIS: Why do you keep apologizing to me for having sex?

TOM: What?

CHRIS: I just remembered this night… with Anna I think her name was and…

TOM: Clara.

CHRIS: Yes. You apologized the next day. To me. 

_Pause._

TOM: British manners? 

CHRIS: Yeah, probably. _(Pause)_ Why didn’t you tell me you’re… bi? 

TOM: I thought you get uncomfortable - 

CHRIS: I’m not uncomfortable! I’m hurt that you don’t trust me. We’re friends, aren’t we!

TOM: I wasn’t finished. I thought you get uncomfortable with all the Marvel PR stuff we have to do about our friendship. 

CHRIS: ‘That we _have_ to do’?

_Pause._

TOM: I meant everything, really everything I ever said about us. But don’t you feel… used sometimes?

CHRIS: No.

_Pause._

TOM: Well, I do. Sometimes I wished they wouldn’t ask about our friendship every single time. As if we are some kind of show. ‘What did they say this time?’ ‘Oh how adorable. Aren’t they the sweetest.’ ‘What will they say next?’ We’re more than this, right? 

CHRIS: Yeah, sure. 

TOM: I’m sorry, I probably overreacted. 

CHRIS: No worries. I just haven’t thought about it this way. 

_Pause._

TOM: But I’m glad that you are okay with it. Me being bi. It’s not that being bi defines my everyday life. But it’s still easier to be straight. Even with friends.

_Pause._

CHRIS: I had a dream last night… About us. In a play. 

TOM: In a play?

CHRIS: Yes, crazy huh? Me on a stage. What’s wrong in this picture, right?

TOM: There are roles for you. You’d be amazing. 

CHRIS : You think? I probably couldn’t remember the lines though. 

TOM: You would. 

_Pause._

CHRIS: Anyway, we were on stage and talking. And it felt like every word suddenly was important you know. And every sentence meant something and stood for something you know. 

_Pause._

CHRIS: It wasn’t unmanly to see you like this. For me it is just the opposite you know. It takes strength to do so called unmanly things. 

_Pause._

TOM: I’m glad… Thanks. 

CHRIS: It’s just my opinion. _(Pause)_ So with Dan… Is it-

TOM: No. It’s just… I know him from theatre. It’s just… having fun. _(Pause)_ So did you like it?

CHRIS: What?

TOM: The play. About us.

CHRIS: I don’t know. It seems that I haven’t figured out yet what I should do with it. Maybe it wants to tell me something that I can’t see. 

TOM: Maybe.

_They look at each other._

__

__

_CHRIS leaves the stage._

TOM: Where are you going?

CHRIS _comes back_ : Oh, I thought the scene was finished. Not that much a theatre nerd, am I? So … what is missing?

TOM _smiles_ : Now give us a kiss. 

_Fade to black._


	6. Byron Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _My laptop crashed...  
>  so no time to review it etc... _
> 
> _Thanks for the Kudos!_  
>  hope you're all well and this gets the shitty virus out of your head for at least a couple of minutes...

#### Byron Bay

***

“Look at your abs!”

Chris was impressed. Really impressed. 

So he had to say it. “I’m impressed.”

And Tom blushed. 

Tom had done some working out for the King Kong movie he was shooting. He looked good. 

And as they were shooting for a couple of weeks near Byron Bay Tom could even stay at Chris’ house for the weekends. Fantastic! Chris was happy. They were having a great time, they did a lot of work out together, did battles and stuff. It was fun.  
And Tom with Chris’ kids was fantastic, Tom with Chris’ brothers was fantastic. Chris loved it. Chris thought Tom should stay. Forever. The adopting thing, he really meant it. 

Sometimes though when Tom smiled at him or looked at him Chris had the feeling Tom wanted to tell him something. But Chris wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear it so he always said something before Tom could.

Because Chris wanted everything to be as it was. 

Of course the time flew by too quickly, and suddenly the last weekend was coming up and Chris wanted to have a last `bro evening´ with Tom and his brothers. 

But then strange things happened. 

He wrote Luke a message to come over the next evening but Luke answered he couldn’t come, it wouldn’t feel right. So Chris had to phone him. 

“What? Why?”

“We had a quarrel…”

“You and Tom? When? About what?”

Luke sighed. 

“No, we hadn’t… I…” Woah this had to be something really uncomfortable when Luke first wanted to lie to him and now hesitated to say it. “Did you know… Tom’s gay?”

“You mean bi?” Chris insisted on the difference. Tom didn’t deceive anybody. “Yeah, do you have a problem with that?”

“No, of course not.” 

That would have surprised Chris, too. Luke wasn’t homophobic. He knew that. So what was the big deal?

But then suddenly it dawned on Chris. 

Only it just couldn’t be true.

Luke was married. He—No. He wouldn’t. 

But Chris recalled when back in his teens Luke had told him that he had a thing with a guy at a television show. 

Chris frowned. But this was… ages ago. And Luke was married now!

“Do you remember when I told you about Scott from ‘Neighbours’?”

God. Chris’ wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what was coming. “You mean…!?”  
He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t articulate his thought. He wasn’t sure if he even dared to think about it.  
But Luke apparently thought that his speechlessness implied that he drew the right conclusion. 

“Yeah… But it’s okay, you know. I just… I just don’t want to meet with him. Not now.” 

Chris couldn’t believe it. His pulse hammered in his ears. He was angry. Really angry. When he got his voice back, he almost shouted. “It’s _okay_??” 

“No, I mean… it was just… a slip… A one-time thing. It didn’t mean anything.”

Chris still couldn’t believe it. Tom?! Luke?! His brother?!

“He was… charming.” Luke tried to explain. “Maybe he was just searching for a little affection?”

Chris was really furious. How could Luke try to talk himself out of this? “And you? What about you?” 

Luke sighed again.

“I guess I was just… turned on… I mean, I’m not gay, I’m happily married to Sam. You know that… But sometimes I’m turned on by men… It’s like you’re 80% straight but 20% gay. And I- ”

Chris had no time for Luke’s self psycho analysis `cause: “That’s no reason to act on it! For Christ’s sake!”

“What are _you_ so angry about?” Luke voice was getting loud now too. 

But Chris had no problem explaining. 

“He’s my best friend! You’re my brother! You’re married! You betrayed Sam! I don’t know why I shouldn’t be angry!”

Luke sighed again. 

“It felt different… It doesn’t feel like betraying, you know…. I never did it before. And I won’t do it again….! But it’s not like with another woman. It’s … just… something physical.”

“So that makes it okay?”

“No… of course not. … Why are you so pissed? Can’t remember you freaked out like this when Liam had this fling-?“

“I don’t believe it! You’re accusing _me_ now?”

“No! … No. Just try to get into my shoes, okay?” Luke was almost begging. 

Chris tried to pull himself together. Was he really overreacting? He didn’t think so. He was really angry. And he felt so… betrayed.

“Please?” 

Chris took a deep breath and tried to be reasonable. Maybe he should let his brother talk. 

“We had such a good time last weekend, didn’t we? And too much beer.” Luke even dared to laugh. “And after the BBQ, when we went to the beach… it was a great atmosphere… and Tom looks good now, doesn’t he? All tanned and worked out…”

“That is _not_ a reason.” Chris pressed out between clenched teeth. 

“But you know Tom, don’t you? He’s charming…”

Chris didn’t want to hear it. 

At this moment he really hated Tom. How could he? Chris had been on his side. Always. He could have given a sniff about Tom’s countless affairs but he always thought that Tom just fell to easy, was way too romantic about love, that he never made the right choice. But now? Sleeping with his married brother?

“I wanted to feel a male body… I sometimes long for it you know… It just… happened. I feel bad about it, I do. Honestly. But it hasn’t to do anything with Sam, it doesn’t feel like I betrayed her.”

“But you did.”

Chris hung up. 

Just then a sweaty Tom entered the kitchen, returning from running, smiling at him, exhausted and happy. 

“Hey.”

Yeah, hey. 

****


	7. Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh god, I hate my writing. These two deserve so much better…  
>  Hope you have fun anyways! Just squint as much as you can so that it becomes a good scene in your head ;)  
> And if someone wants to help me out and be my beta reader, feel free to contact me… :)  
> Thanks for your Kudos <3_

Tom

***

Tom still panted slightly from jogging when he walked over to the kitchen sink to grab a glass, filled it with tab water and drank it all in one go. A liberating sound made its way out of his mouth, his face was all delighted. “God, this saves lives.” He beamed at Chris to share his happiness but Chris didn’t smile back.

A big frown replaced the happiness immediately. “Something wrong?”

Well, yes, more than wrong! And above all: how on earth could Tom pretend he didn’t know what was wrong? Chris was unbelievably angry. And hurt. So hurt he needed some seconds before he could talk. 

“I just spoke to… Luke,” he finally growled. 

He could see how Tom’s body tensed, saw how Tom’s lashes lowered slowly, how his teeth kneaded his bottom lip pensively, how Tom’s hands began playing on the glass…

If Chris wasn’t so pissed he maybe would have loved these typical Tom-expressions. Like so often before.

But now Chris hated all this. Hated how someone he adored so much could have deceived him like this. So when Tom looked up again, directly at Chris, Chris was waiting eagerly to hear what Tom had to say. Maybe it was all one bad joke.

“I’m sorry.” Tom began, his expressive hands like so often underlining his words, “It wasn’t… planned. It’s just… happened. I had too much to drink, I guess. I know this isn’t an excuse…” he shook his head in disbelief about himself. “I’m sorry.”

Chris raised his eyebrows. That was it? Tom was the most eloquent person he knew and he just said `I’m sorry´? The rage in Chris was already boiling again.

“That’s it? It just _happened_? For Christ’s sake, Tom, you fucked my brother!” He literally shouted. At Tom. At his best friend. What he had never done before. Not even close. Not in real life. 

He wasn’t sure what reaction he had expected but his yelling apparently brought up some defiance in Tom. 

“Who said that I fucked _him_?” was his sharp response. 

Chris clenched his teeth. “This is not the time to make jokes! He is married for Christ’s sake!”

Tom snorted contemptuously. “Yeah, I thought you’d be narrow-minded about that.”

“Again not the time for jokes,” Chris retaliated. 

Tom’s jawbone was grinding. “I wasn’t joking. He’s an adult. It was his decision. I didn’t force him to, you know.” 

Chris’ only reply to that was a disdainful laugh. 

He couldn’t believe it. They were fighting! He couldn’t think of a single fight between him and Tom in all these years. God, how he hated this. How could Tom ruin all this? For a … fuck. 

And how he hated Tom’s arrogance about it. As if this wasn’t a big deal after all. As if Chris accusation was an exaggerated reaction. Tom even called him narrow-minded. Like he was stuffy and square for thinking that way. So no, he couldn’t leave it at that. 

“You know what your problem is?” he started his final blow. “You’re incapable of having a relationship! You jump from one affair to another. And after three months - the latest! - when everybody else is moving over to having a relationship, a real relationship you quit! As soon as you have to commit yourself, as soon as you have to work for it you quit. Cause you just want to have fun… Cause you just care about yourself. You say you’re searching for the right one but you’re not…You’re just looking for fun. No strings attached. And worst of all you don’t even seem to care if someone gets hurt. So how about growing up, Tom!”

Chris looked at Tom, saw how hurt he looked. How sad. Chris had hurt him bad he could see that.  
But Tom had hurt him just as much. Tom needed to hear the truth, needed to see that he had done a big mistake. Even if Chris could barely stand seeing Tom like this… 

“So Chris…” Tom’s gaze was firm and distinct now, “if you have figured everything out so well, tell me: What in your opinion should I do? When…” he pointed out every word, “the one that I love is… apparently straight and… happily married. And every time I’m about to get into a `real´ relationship, as you call it, I realize that I still love him. And the other person just can’t compete with him. Should I just go on then? Pretend I love this person and have a fake relationship? So that _you_ can be happy? So that you have me like you want me to be?”

The fear about what was about to come overlay the rage of what Tom just accused him of.  
Chris could feel the heat running through his veins.  
_The one that I love…._  
This was definitely going in the wrong direction.  
Chris didn’t want to hear this.

But Tom went on, his eyes glazed, “I really tried to get away from him you know. I tried. I really tried… But you don’t even let me.”

For a second Chris needed to close his eyes.  
_You…_  
There it was.  
It was always there, for years it hung in the air, but to hear it now...

“All these nice words you have for me, Chris. Your little winks, your embraces, the way you touch me. You don’t do that with others, Chris. I watched you. How can I not wish that this means something?” There was bitterness in Tom’s voice now. “But maybe you just like me to be running after you like a stupid little puppy… ”

Chris flinched. That was so not fair. He … he never…. He didn’t do this on purpose! It wasn’t his fault!

“So it’s all my fault now? That you fucked my brother? You fucked him to get even with me? Is this some kind of a perverted game?”

Tom’s eyes narrowed, he looked as he was having trouble keeping calm. “I did _not_ fuck your brother!”

“That is not the point and you know that! You risked ruining my brother’s marriage!” Chris hissed.

“I didn’t, _he_ did. And I’ve heard…” Tom’s voice was all sarcastic now “if you really love one another you get over things like that. By the way, do you want to know what really happened? Or are you fonder of accusing me of ruining your perfect family?  
Because I didn’t seduce your brother. I would have never done that.  
I know that you’re family is sacred to you.  
But Luke was the one approaching _me!_  
And I’ve met his wife once. So no I don’t feel that bad about it.  
Because he is a grown up. And it was his decision.  
I’m not a saint and I’ve done something I shouldn’t have done but I’m not the bad guy either. I’m not.”

Chris didn’t know what to respond. 

He just looked at Tom. Who was breathing heavily. And had rage in his eyes. 

He didn’t want Tom to look at him like that. How could that have happened?

_The one that I love._

Chris felt bad. So bad. 

There was so much in his head now. 

He couldn’t say anything. 

He couldn’t figure it out. 

Tom had said that he loved him. 

God, he didn’t know what to do. 

Didn’t know what to think. 

Tom finally sighed. “I’ll take a shower and call a cab.”

Chris still couldn’t react, still couldn’t say anything, just nodded slightly and watched Tom getting up the stairs. 

He sat down at the kitchen table. Just looked at the glass Tom had left there. He didn’t know what else to do. He was too confused. 

_The one that I love._

What the fuck just happened?

He knew he had said things he shouldn’t have said.  
Tom had told him about his feelings for him and he just insulted him.  
How could he do something like that?

And now Tom was leaving.

Some parts of him didn’t want Tom to go.  
But he didn’t want him to stay either.  
Not after this. 

He felt so tired suddenly.  
The thoughts in his head were muffled like cotton.

When Tom came down again with his packed bag over his shoulder, his hair still damp, Chris was still sitting there, playing on Tom’s glass. 

“Since when?” he asked quietly. 

Tom shrugged his shoulders. “For years.” 

His voice was soft. The storm had passed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And sometimes I thought you knew anyway.”

Just then Elsa came in. 

“Hey Tom…!” She looked at him surprised. “You’re already leaving?”

Tom turned around. “Yeah…” And within a second he was the cheerful Tom everybody liked. How convenient it was to be a good actor sometimes. 

Tom was smiling at Elsa, endearing and apologizing at the same time. “I’m so sorry, I have to. The director called. They want to do a reshoot...” He embraced her warmheartedly. “But thanks for letting me stay here at your wonderful place. I won’t forget your incredibly delicious paella…! Where are the kids? I want to say goodbye to them.”

Elsa pointed outside “They’re in the garden.”

They both went outside and Chris could see his giggling and squeaking kids in the garden, clinging onto Tom’s legs, not letting him leave. Tom ruffled their hair and took them up in his arms, one after the other, promising to come back soon. 

It hurt to know that this was a lie. 

Everything hurt. To see Tom smiling, to hear his laughter. It was too much. 

When they came back, Tom looked at Chris but didn’t come over to him. Didn’t embrace him. Just shouldered his bag, “Okay… See you around.”

Chris managed a “Yeah, sure” and Tom went out the front door and was gone. 

Gone.

_The one that I love._

“What was that all about?” Elsa turned to Chris.

If he knew. 

He just knew it hurt. 

Like hell. 

***


	8. Romeo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _For the Romeo reference see: https://bvbjunkie.tumblr.com/post/190861229484/aivelin-i-thought-it-was-fanmade-subtitles-but_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _You know, I’m at war with my writing skills and my English but I’m almost proud of how real life connects with my story so nicely ;)_  
>  As always thank you for your comments and kudos! Because of you I at least could overcome my lethargy to finish this. So thank you!

####  Romeo

****

Chris tried to apologize but Tom wouldn’t answer the phone. 

Chris wrote a message but Tom stayed silent. 

Chris felt miserable. Not only about the things he had said but also because he knew he had broken something in their friendship.  
He was desperate to fix it but he didn’t know how. 

When after a few weeks Tom did write back, he was short-spoken and non-binding and this hurt Chris even more than Tom’s silence before. 

Chris spent hours and hours thinking about what had happened. He couldn’t help himself.  
There was too much he couldn’t figure out, too much that was unspoken between him and Tom. And there were too many situations of the past he recalled and now saw in a different light. 

And again and again he thought about what happened that day.  
The sadness in Tom’s eyes haunted him.  
Tom had always had signs of melancholy. That was nothing new. Chris had seen a Tom with a distant and sad gaze more than once. This was part of his character. Or so Chris had thought. Besides all this goofing around there always had been a severe person underneath, thinking too much about the world, taking it too seriously sometimes.  
Loki would never have worked when Tom wouldn’t have this sadness in him.  
And every time Tom had been in such a melancholy mood, Chris luckily had always find ways to get him out of there.  
But now Chris wondered if _he_ had been the reason for it. At least sometimes. 

And he wondered if he really didn’t see it or if he didn’t want to see it. Had he ignored Tom’s signals because he too had been afraid that the truth would change their friendship for ever? 

To make everything worse, Chris had those dreams again. Being close to a male body, just vague images, a firm chest, the curve of a male butt, strong legs tangled with his. This feeling of being close to someone, trusting that someone, feeling home with that someone. Even if he couldn’t see him in his dreams, Chris knew it ought to be Tom. 

And there was another thing that kept Chris’ mind occupied. He also couldn’t stop thinking about Tom being with Luke. He really didn’t want to but he imagined what had happened between them. And what didn’t. He remembered Tom saying _Who said I fucked him?_ And Chris wondered if this meant, they had… _done it_ … the other way round? Or did they… blow… each other? Or Tom only Luke? Or Luke Tom? Or had it only been some mutual… jerking off?  
Chris was so embarrassed to think about this and he felt so bad having these thought but they were there, in his head. And they didn’t let go of him, if he wanted or not. 

But the worst thing happened when Elsa… well, _pleasured_ him with her mouth and he suddenly had images of Tom in his head. How he would… do it.  
Chris’ bad conscious was huge. How could he have thoughts like this? Wasn’t he the biggest asshole? He felt like he couldn’t sink lower.  
Of course he tried to avoid… _interactions_ like this after that incident but he didn’t know if Elsa wasn’t wondering nevertheless. 

He had told Elsa about Tom’s confession. She had been understanding, she felt for him. But of course she had noticed Chris’ mental absence, although she blamed it on Tom’s silence and Chris’ suffering because of that. 

But what Chris felt… should feel… could allow himself to feel for Tom, he still didn’t know. 

The weeks went by and then in June there was the Wiz World in Philadelphia.  
Chris groaned when he read the title of the theme. ‘Brotherly love’, well, how fitting.  
He was nervous to see Tom again. They hadn’t really spoken, just had exchanged some innocuously messages. He had imagined how it would be to see him again. How they would approach each other. Carefully. But hopefully knowing that they would still be friends. Of course they would still be friends. He couldn’t imagine it any other way. They just had to get past this. 

But if Chris thought he would meet a sad and introverted Tom, he was wrong. So wrong.  
Tom was cheerful. Chatty. Gushy. And Chris immediately felt uncomfortable.  
Because Tom smiled at Chris and Chris knew he didn’t mean it.  
He talked to Chris but it felt as if he was talking to any other colleague he met on a Con.  
They didn’t embrace, they didn’t hug.  
There wasn’t any intimacy, there wasn’t any tenderness.  
Chris screamed insight.

On stage Tom shook Chris’ hand formally. How awkward was that?

They had a 40 minute talk and Chris hated every second of it. 

He tried to smile, he tried to laugh, tried to pretend but he didn’t succeed very well.  
It just felt forced.  
At least he could blame it on the jet lag.  
And Tom did most of the talking anyway.  
He talked about Shakespeare, talked about… whatever.  
Chris had to be careful not to drift away mentally.  
He had too many questions in his head. First of all why the hell Tom acted like that.  
When they were of course asked about their friendship, Tom told the crowd what they wanted to hear and Chris thought it sounded completely phony.  
“He’s my brother from another mother.”  
The crowd sheered anyway.  
They probably didn’t see the difference. Couldn’t.  
Tom patted Chris’ leg! Yay! Tom grabbed Chris’ arm! Yay!  
But Chris hated it. 

The minutes went by slowly when again Tom was asked about Shakespeare and suddenly Chris heard Tom saying:  
“Will you be my Romeo?”  
He couldn’t believe it. What was that all about?  
Sure, they were expected to talk like this.  
Sure, that was all the fans were waiting for.  
And who if not Tom wouldn’t give their fans what they wanted?  
But really? In this situation they were in?  
Chris was really pissed.  
But of course he said: “Sure.”  
Because what else should he have said? No?  
The crowd again sheered and Chris felt sick to his stomach.

And what really irritated him the most was that he couldn’t figure out Tom.  
Did he do that on purpose? To provoke him? To annoy him?  
He didn’t know.  
He just knew that it felt wrong.  
And he heartily hoped the dinner afterwards would give him some answers. 

But at dinner everything was awkward again.  
The pink elephant sat between them and Chris felt cowardly for not addressing anything of what had happened but he didn’t want to bring it up because he didn’t want to be the one pouring salt into the wound.  
Instead he let Tom talk, who was babbling like there had never been a fight between them and they hadn’t to talk about anything serious. 

Tom asked about the kids and chatted about the things that had happened in his life when suddenly he asked Chris “Have you ever met Taylor Swift?”  
And with that Chris had to listen to for what felt like ages about how “amazing” she were and that they were about to be a couple soon. It just wasn’t official yet, cause she was in the middle of a break-up.

BANG!

Chris’ mind went blank.  
He managed a “Good for you”, said that he was happy for Tom and probably some other polite things as well. He was on autopilot for the rest of the conversation and when they parted they said goodbye with a casual “See you in Australia” where they were going to shoot Ragnarok in a couple of weeks. 

Chris had no idea how this should work if he and Tom were… like this. Whatever ´this` was. 

In any case he as Romeo apparently wasn’t needed anymore. 

*


	9. I (heart)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there’s a lot of sweat and blood in this one, I’m literally exhausted… ;)  
> Why does it always feel so plausible and easy in my head and when I write it down it’s just a big mess??  
> Well, I hope it’s somehow readable…  
> Thank you for your Kudos and comments!!! <3  
> And as always, sorry for my bad English…

#### I (heart) …

****

Two weeks later ´Hiddleswift` were all over the tabloids. 

Chris had stared at the pictures on his mobile for hours. 

Tom hugging Taylor Swift, Tom holding her hand, Tom kissing her. 

It felt _so_ wrong. 

He _really_ should be happy for Tom but he wasn’t.

Instead he felt… jealous. 

As if this affair… or this relationship would take Tom away from him. Once and for all.

Maybe it would have been different if they had reconciled.

But seeing Tom with Taylor, all these photos, them meeting her parents, even visiting Tom’s mum, it’s just felt so… exaggerated. 

Didn’t he jump too fast? 

Chris couldn’t help but think that with this Tom somehow wanted to prove something. Maybe even that he now at last got over Chris. 

It hurt.

Chris missed Tom. 

Badly. 

The thought of Tom not being his friend anymore was more than he could bear. 

And he hated himself because he and only he was the one to blame for this… 

When he called Taika to talk about ´Ragnarok`, he mentioned that he and Tom had had a fight and momentarily weren’t `close bros´ anymore. At least not like everybody expected them to be.  
They both knew how important it was for this movie that the chemistry between him and Tom worked, no professionality could replace that. So Taika suggested a casual meeting before they began shooting to figure things out.  
They hired a cinema to watch “Ghostbusters” and invited Tom and Mark to join. Tom wanted to come with Taylor, Chris reluctantly had to agree. It was definitely not how he wanted it to be but Taika calmed him down. If Tom felt more comfortable like this, he should bring her. It would give him the feeling that he was in charge.  
Chris was thankful for Taika’s apparent insight into Tom’s nature and he was glad that Taika didn’t force him to tell what really happened between them. Of course Taika teased him like hell about it but he could take it. The only thing that mattered was that somehow Tom and he reconnected. 

Chris was fucking nervous seeing Tom again. He didn’t want to mess it up and he didn’t know what to expect. He clearly didn’t want it to be a Wizard World repetition and he didn’t want Tom to only have eyes for Taylor and ignore the others. And him.  
But all his concerns vanished soon. With Mark and Taika there it became a relaxed and cheerful evening. They talked, they laughed, they all had a good time.  
The awkwardness from Philadelphia was gone, the nervousness was gone, Chris was hopeful again.  
And although he was still upset that Tom seemingly wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened: if this was the way Tom wanted to cope with it, Chris had to accept that. Tom was the one that got hurt. 

And Taylor… well, was nice.  
Tom seemed proud.  
And the fact that Tom every now and then laughed and smiled at Chris, just like in the old days, made it easier for Chris to feel happy for him.  
It still wasn’t back to normal between him and Tom but Chris had the feeling this was a good step into the right direction.  
When they said goodbye for the night, he hugged Tom a second longer than the others and it felt good. So good actually he wished it had last longer. Much longer. 

A few days later filming began and the first days with Tom went really well.  
Chris was happy to have Tom around, the laughs were back, the teasing was back.  
Chris relaxed noticeably. He really hadn’t realized how extremely strained he had been the last weeks. Months actually! And now he literally could feel the tension leaving his body and his heart almost made silly little jumps, whenever Tom would smile at him.  
Chris was fucking relieved.  
When Tom left the set for two weeks, he felt the old urge of not wanting to let Tom go and he couldn’t wait for him to come back. 

But Chris had cheered too early.  
When Tom returned to the set, he was in such a bad mood that it seemed to affect the whole shooting. He was distant, he was short-spoken and whenever Chris tried to break through Tom’s reserve, Tom would block.  
So at lunch Chris asked him if anything was wrong with him and Taylor but Tom only hissed back “Would you like that? Would it make you happy if it didn’t work out?”

Chris was shocked about Tom’s lash out allegation. Sure, the press, the paparazzi, he could imagine how stressful and annoying such a relationship in the lime light must be. But why did Tom accuse _him_ then?  
Chris took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. “It was just a normal question that you ask when your friend is apparently in a bad mood. I know it’s hard with all the paparazzi and such and I thought-”

Tom interrupted him. “You _know_? What do _you_ know? You have _no_ idea!”

And maybe it was because Chris was afraid that all the retreated familiarity would vanish again but Tom’s hostility really hit a spot and Chris’ voice was harsher then he wanted. “So how about toning it down then? Maybe don’t wear T-Shirts everybody is going to talk about! If you give the paparazzi what they want it’s no wonder - ”

He immediately stopped when he saw Tom looking at him with cold eyes. And he knew he had done it again. 

Fuck! Chris screamed inside. Why couldn’t they talk to each other anymore without fighting? 

Without a word Tom stood up and left the table. 

Shooting after that of course got worse.  
Taika rolled his eyes more than once and till the wrap for the day everybody was done with their nerves. 

Chris felt bad. He didn’t want to lecture Tom. He really could imagine how hard it had to be for him. But he had been so angry that Tom had lashed out to him. Chris would have wished that he would come and talk to him when he had problems. And not accuse him.

He went to Tom’s trailer to apologize, Tom was just about to leave.  
Chris was glad that he didn’t look angry anymore. Just tired and preoccupied.

But before he could say anything, a still annoyed Taika came up to them, holding a brown paper bag. 

“I don’t think anyone of you will disagree when I tell you that this was… crap.”

Chris agreed silently but he didn’t dare to speak. In the corner of his eye he saw Tom playing with his fingers, not saying anything as well. He probably felt the same. 

“So,” Taika continued, “for the sake of the whole universe, get your shit together.  
When you play like shit, it falls back on me, not you.  
And I won’t let that happen.  
It’s my movie.  
And I’m sorry we don’t have time for childish pouting. I know that’s what we all want, it’s in our nature but Marvel won’t pay for this. So get your shit on the line.  
I don’t care what you do to achieve it.  
Scream at each other, shout, kick, fuck, talk, dance, I really don’t care.  
As long as I don’t have to read about it in the papers tomorrow and you’re back in one piece.  
I checked with your schedule, the mighty Marvel has mercy on me, you’re free for a week,“ he pointed at Tom ”and you have two days off,” he looked at Chris. “So get wasted.” He handed Chris the brown paper bag with a bottle inside. “Drinks are on me.” 

And with that he left them standing there.

Was this day even for real? Chris sighed. 

Without saying a word he and Tom walked over to the driver to get them to their hotel. 

Seated in the car beside him, Tom slightly shook his head in disbelief, “I feel like a grounded teenager.”

Chris smiled. He felt the same. “Could be worse though than having a dad that gives you a bottle of vodka to think about the mistakes you made,” he added. 

They both laughed silently. 

At least the anger was gone. For both of them. 

Chris had the urge to lay his hand on Tom’s knee but he resisted. 

They didn’t talk for the rest of the way but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Maybe they both knew it was good that now they finally had to talk. 

In his room, Chris opened the bottle, filled two glasses and walked over to the bed to hand Tom his. “Here we go.” 

Tom was already seated on the bed, his back against the headrest. Like so often in the past when they were filming.

They toasted each other and drank the vodka in one go. 

Afterwards Tom immediately handed Chris his empty glass and they chugged one more. 

Tom grunted. “This is disgusting!”

Chris smiled. “As long as it helps.”

“Does it?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders. 

They were silent for a moment. 

And Chris thought that despite his original purpose to finally talk to Tom he could sit here with him like this for hours... 

But then Tom began talking. 

“I’m sorry…  
These paparazzi are… insane. Really.  
You cannot imagine… “

Chris could see how Tom was searching for words, how he tried to figure everything out, how overwhelmed he was by what was happening in his life at the moment.  
Chris felt so bad about the dispute they had. But it wasn’t Tom’s intention to reprove him. 

“You know, first I thought: well, let them take pictures, what’s wrong with that? I mean, there are worse things, right? And I thought… if I don’t read the papers, it wouldn’t affect me.  
But… I was wrong, so wrong! You can’t escape from them. You just can’t!”

Tom ran his hands through his hair, his gaze distant. 

“And they shout everything right at you. If you want to hear it or not…  
_Why did you do this? Why did you do that?  
Isn’t it a bit early to wear that T-Shirt?  
Do you really love her?  
Are you going to propose?  
Did your mother approve of her future daughter-in-law?_  
People you don’t know and you don’t want to know shout at you, pressure you… to answer… everywhere, every second, in every phase of your relationship…  
And you can’t stop having this feeling that you want to… _need_ to defend yourself!  
That you want to tell them what’s right.  
But nobody is interested in the truth.  
They draw conclusions and sell them as facts!  
_Of course he wore that T-shirt because he wanted to show the world how much he loves her._  
No! …. No!  
But nobody cares.  
They confine you, they restrict you…I hate it.  
It cannot _not_ affect your relationship….”

Tom was looking at Chris now, frustration and helplessness in his eyes. 

It was hard to bear for Chris. He wanted to make Tom feel better, he wanted to be there for him. He wanted to make _everything_ better actually. Tom looked so sad. He didn’t want that. “I’m sorry, man.” He laid a hand on Tom’s arm. To show him, he understood and he was here. 

For a second Chris saw something else in Tom’s eyes, but then Tom grabbed the bottle of vodka, poured himself another drink and chugged it.

“I’m thinking about breaking up with her.”

Chris wasn’t sure he had heard right. His eyes widened in disbelief. “What? Why?”

Tom gnawed at his bottom lip before he continued. 

“She’s… amazing, she is. I really like her. I do.  
But I have the feeling… I’ve been using her.” He lowered his gaze, his thumb circling the edge of the glass. “To get away from you...” 

Chris’ heartbeat accelerated. He didn’t dare to breathe. 

“You know,” Tom continued. “I really wasn’t looking forward to shooting with you. I was afraid actually.” He chuckled quietly. “So … she gave me some stability.... She was a good distraction… Oh God!” Tom suddenly moaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “ _God_! I feel terrible talking about her like that. I really like her.”

Chris felt like he was paralyzed. He couldn’t say anything. There was too much in his head. 

Tom poured himself another shot and handed Chris the bottle.  
“Did you tell Taika?”

“Tell him what?” Chris asked. But it already occurred to him that Tom probably wanted to know if Taika knew about what really happened. “No! Of course not. Why?”

Tom shrugged. “He said - well beside other things but still- : `I don’t care if you fuck.´”

Chris had to clear his throat. “Well… you know Taika. I probably would have gotten suspicious if he _hadn’t_ mentioned something like that.”

Tom laughed. “Yeah, probably…”

And then… 

Chris didn’t know why he did it.  
Maybe because he didn’t want Tom to be sad anymore.  
Maybe because of the booze.  
Maybe because he just loved him.  
And probably because of all of these reasons above. 

He leaned forward… and before Tom knew what Chris was doing, kissed him. 

He kissed Tom. 

On the mouth. 

And it was absolutely terrifying how right it felt. 

Like coming back home. 

It felt so familiar. But at the same time absolutely exciting. 

A strange combination of wanting to let himself go and the urge to take everything he could get. 

When Tom kissed him back, his whole body began to tingle. 

It was soft and rough and so good.

Everything.

He ran his fingers through Tom’s soft hair and his thumb felt the rough skin of Tom’s jaw line.

He tasted Tom, he smelled Tom.

He couldn’t get enough.

He didn’t want to stop. 

The kiss deepened… 

Tom’s soft demanding tongue was teasing, battling with his… 

They panted… 

And BAM!

Like a flash light he thought about Elsa and what he was doing here… 

He drew back. Startled. 

He couldn’t say anything. He could only breathe.

And look at Tom. 

Who was still panting…

His mouth half open.

_God._

Chris had to close his eyes for a second. 

“I’m sorry…” he finally managed. 

When he opened his eyes again, Tom wasn’t looking at him anymore. 

“It’s okay… I… I better go.”

The pain in Chris’ chest was overwhelming. 

Tom crawled from the bed. 

“At least I know now...”

He still wasn’t looking at Chris. 

He just stood up and walked out of the door. 

Chris stared after him.

Couldn’t do anything else. 

When the door fell shut he grabbed the vodka bottle and threw it with full rage against the wall.

What the fuck had he done?

How could he have done that to Tom?

He screamed. 

***


	10. the 3rd rule

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your Kudos! <3  
> And I'm always happy to receive comments :)

#### The 3rd rule  
****

So Taika’s plan apparently backfired. 

Chris didn’t know what to think.

He didn’t know what to do. 

Especially not when he had to face Elsa the next day.

He was angry about himself, sad, tired, excited, in love, so much in love, confused and so ashamed.

Elsa of course noticed something was wrong and when they had taken the kids to bed and were sitting with a glass of wine at the table, she asked him what had happened. 

And he just said it. 

“I kissed Tom.” 

Because he was too tired and too confused to make excuses. 

He couldn’t explain it either. 

He tried. 

First a “He’s...” 

Then an “I…” 

But it just didn’t work. 

Elsa was already crying silently so he hastily said what was most important. 

“It has nothing to do with you. I won’t leave you if you don’t want me to. And I will make up for it.”

Cause Elsa was his wife. They had kids. He loved his family. And he wouldn’t let them down. 

Seeing Elsa cry was horrible. 

He wanted to reach out for her but he didn’t dare. 

“I’m sorry. So sorry...”

Elsa bit her lips and nodded slowly. 

No accusation, no screaming. She seemed… calm. She even didn’t seem surprised that it was Tom. As if she had expected it. 

And then without a word she stood up and walked upstairs.

Chris closed his eyes. If he could punch himself in the face he would do that right now. 

How could he have done that to her? 

And Tom. 

He sighed. Now he had hurt both of them. 

The two he loved. 

He could admit it now. That he loved Tom. 

So fucking much. It was suffusing his whole body. 

But being with Tom… 

… in any form whatsoever…

… was impossible.

How much he loved the idea, how much every inch of his body wanted it since he had kissed him the day before, it was an illusion. In every way. 

A few moments later Elsa came back and stood beside him. She was still crying but her posture was determined. 

“I need you to be happy, Chris. I need you here, Chris. With us. All these months… you were so absent-minded. And now again… I don’t want this anymore… I can’t…”

God, Chris felt so bad. How could he have been so blind? How could he not have seen how much Elsa must have suffered all this time? Just because he couldn’t get his shit together. What an asshole he was.

“If you need to be with… Tom - ”

“I would never leave you!” Chris interrupted her immediately. Because he wouldn’t. Never. His family had priority. So this would never been an option. 

Elsa nodded slowly and handed him a note. 

It was the note with her “rules” on it… 

And Chris realised that he had forgotten about the 3rd rule. Because it was supposed to be a joke anyway, wasn’t it?

He already felt dizzy before reading it again. 

_3) If you ever fall for a guy, or fuck him, I don’t care. Just tell me so I can watch._

“Delete the last sentence, I’m too old for that.” Elsa tried to smile. “But I need you to be happy again.” The last words were swallowed by her crying, tears were running down her cheeks heavily now, “Just don’t stop loving me.”

God, now Chris was almost crying himself. He pulled her into his arms, held her tight and buried his head into her hair. 

“I won’t.” And he meant it. 

They stood there for a while, just holding each other. 

It felt good to have her. It felt good to know she somehow seemed to… understand. 

They had talked about it a lot when they got together. About love. What it meant to them. How they knew that falling in love with another person could happen. Anytime. Nobody was immune to that. You don’t choose to fall in love. But they agreed that you need to distinguish between having a crush or loving someone. They had married so soon they had to know that they were on the same boat on this. 

Everything seemed so clear and plausible back then but now everything was so much more complicated. 

He wasn’t bored with Elsa, he didn’t need a new adventure in his life. 

It was just… Tom. Tom happened. His best friend. That he knew for years now and… loved. 

And now Elsa suggested what?

That he and Tom… 

Chris couldn’t get this in his head? 

He didn’t dare to think about it… 

How should this work? He with Tom at the set and Elsa sitting here at home?

As if she knew what he was thinking Elsa said, “Maybe you need to try it… Maybe it’s the most stupid decision I’ve ever made… But I want you to try it… It’s not a chick with bigger boobs, you know… I mean, it still hurts… like hell… and I wish it wouldn’t have happened… But now… I don’t want you sitting here only wishing you were somewhere else… And I don’t want to end up having a fake relationship… you know I couldn’t live in an open relationship or something... But it’s Tom… I trust you…”

Chris kissed her on the forehead. He still couldn’t say anything. He was so sorry to put her through this… he was so overwhelmed by what she offered him…. and he didn’t know how to form his thoughts into sentences. 

“Try it,” Elsa repeated. “And I’m gonna think about how hot you two look together.” 

She laughed and covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe I’ve said that.”

“Me neither,” Chris replied with a hoarse voice but he was laughing, too. 

It felt weird, fucking weird. 

The thoughts in his head didn’t let him sleep the whole night. 

It took him a while to accept it, to accept her offer. But when his thoughts about Tom increased, about their kiss and the way he felt about it, the way he felt about Tom, he got more and more excited and finally wrote him a message. 

“Please reschedule your flight and come earlier, I need to talk to you.” 

Yes, he needed to talk to him. 

And something else.

***


	11. A special place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got… explicit. I got carried away.  
> Don’t blame me, blame Tom and Chris ;)  
> Sorry for everyone not into it.  
> But I'm still eager to know what you think :)
> 
> If someone is not that familiar with Chris' body ;oP  
> https://i.redd.it/wmx7c4ojjzsz.jpg

#### A special place

****

“It wouldn’t work...”

“So you don’t wanna try?”

It wasn’t like Tom jumped with joy when Chris told him about the ´agreement´. 

Chris could see Tom’s mind working, saw the frowns on his forehead worsen.

So Chris decided to kiss those frowns away. 

Causing at least a little smile from Tom. 

Causing him to smile, too. 

A goddam stupid smitten smile. He was sure of it. 

But he was. Smitten. Like hell. God, he was _so_ fucking smitten. 

They were already on the bed now, limps intertwined. 

Chris just hadn’t been able to wait, he had been so desperate to kiss Tom again. So when Tom had opened the door, without saying a word Chris had leaned forward, had cupped his hands around Tom’s face and had kissed him. 

Because this was the only right thing to do. 

And he hadn’t been able to get out a word anyway. 

Soft lips.

Devine smell.

Happiness. 

And lust. 

Lots of lust. 

Especially when Tom kissed him back. 

Tom’s hands in his hair, Tom’s body pressing against his. 

God. So much lust. 

They had stumbled to the bed, a path of hungry kisses until Chris could finally shove Tom gently onto the sheets. 

More hungry kisses. And groping, lots of groping. 

It felt so fucking good. 

To feel Tom. 

To feel his athletic body. 

This male body. 

Chris loved the masculinity about it. 

And he loved how much Tom wanted this. 

Wanted him. 

Loved Tom’s hands on his body. 

Wanting him. 

And he wanted Tom.

So much.

But then Tom drew away from him, panting and asked: “So what’s the deal?”

And now they lay here and Tom needed some thinking. About the deal. 

Thinking Tom was adorable and sweet but Chris wanted, _needed_ something else right now. 

He tried to be patient, tilted his head, waited. And waited. Casually played on the buttons of Tom’s shirt. Slowly opened one after the other when – “Ouch!” – Tom slapped his hand away. 

“Do you always whip like that?” he asked indignantly. 

“You wanna know?” Tom raised his eyebrows. 

Chris swallowed. He had images in his head he didn’t expect to turn him on. 

Tom must have noticed because he laughed right in his face. 

Bastard. 

But God, how he loved this guy. 

And God, was he infatuated. 

He knew this guy forever and now he couldn’t stop looking at him. And he was looking at him. Without any restriction of his feelings. Just with love. 

“Okay.” Tom said. 

“Okay what?” Chris asked hoarsely. 

“Okay,” Tom repeated as if this said everything. He had a quick look at his watch, took Chris’s hand and dragged him from the bed. “Come on.”

 _Come on??_ Where to? 

Chris didn’t know what was going on. He only knew how extremely turned on he was that Tom was taking him by the hand. That he was leading him. 

Tom seemed to be in a hurry, dragged him out of the room to the elevator, into the elevator and as soon as the door closed pulled him close for a kiss. Tongue and everything. Which was fucking hot. 

Pressed him against the wall. 

Groped him. 

Everywhere. 

Which was even hotter. 

God, since when was Tom so fucking sexy?

When the pinging sound for the right floor rang out, they parted but Tom’s fingers stayed intertwined with his. Chris loved it. 

Tom dragged him further down the corridor when suddenly he let go of Chris’ hand and adjusted his shirt. They had reached the wellness area of the hotel.  
Chris had never been here but he had to smile when Tom addressed the man behind the desk. 

“Hey Brian.”

It was so Tom to know this guy by his name. 

“Hey Mr. Hiddleston”, the receptionist replied fondly. “Good to see you again.”

“You, too, Brian, you, too. Someone in?” 

Brian shook his head. “No sir.”

“Good. Listen, Brian, I had a long flight, we need to go through some lines,” Tom pointed at Chris. “Do you think, you could give us some privacy and keep the spa open for a little longer?”

Brian smiled at Tom. “Sure, Mr. Hiddleston. No problem.”

“Thank you so much. I owe you. Unfortunately I only have this on me now” Tom pulled out a 50 Dollar note out of his wallet and laid it on the desk. “But I go to the bank first thing in the morning, I promise.”

Brian laughed and made a discarding gesture. “No worries, Mr. Hiddleston, no worries. Take your time. Enjoy your relaxation.”

“Thank you! Thank you so much.” Of course Tom made a little bow, his hand on his chest. “And please call me Tom.”

Chris tried not to smirk about this whole situation too much and followed Tom into the wellness area. 

As soon as they were in the locker room, Tom gripped around Chris’ neck and pulled him close for another passionate kiss, his hands tugging and ripping impatiently at Chris’ clothes to undress him. Chris really did not have any objections about this, he more than willingly joined in.  
Only dressed in their undies they stumbled into the shower, where they were both trying to find the shower button without looking, because they couldn’t let go of the kissing, till water was eventually pouring down on them, the cool water giving them a nice contrast to their hot bodies.  
Their kisses deepened, their hands touched eagerly every centimetre of wet and naked flesh and when Chris felt Tom’s hard-on against his thigh he gasped for air. He himself was hard as a rock, too. 

If it was for him he could have made out with Tom right here forever. But Tom apparently had other plans. Again he took him by the hand and dragged him into the pool area where Chris realised why Tom wanted to come here with him. 

“You remember?” he asked, somehow really moved. 

“Well, it’s not the deserted island you wished for but yeah…” Tom said apologizing. 

At the back wall of the swimming pool was a stock photo of a lagoon. A rock formation with a little waterfall. It was cheesy. And perfect. Cause it reflected the talk he had with Tom about their fantasies, their special places. Ages ago. 

And because Chris didn’t know where to put all his joy and love and lust he was feeling, he grabbed Tom and threw them both into the water. 

A big splash, sparkling water all around them and a lot of joyful laughter when they reached the surface again. 

Then, for seconds, they just looked at each other. 

Breathed. 

Smiled. 

Lovingly. 

Like they both couldn’t believe they were here. 

And deep down in his belly Chris had this feeling that he loved so much. 

This understanding, loving feeling, this comfort. 

A splash irritated his eyes. 

And Tom was smiling mischievously at him. 

“Oh don’t you dare…!”

With a big leap he jumped on Tom and ducked him under the water. 

But the loud and noisy battle that followed was soon over when Tom somehow found Chris’ mouth again, kissing it, his teeth tugging at Chris’ bottom lip, his tongue licking slowly into Chris’ mouth, making him all weak and willing. 

Just a second later he was pushed against the tiles without mercy and again he was flabbergasted and turned on by Tom’s dominance. It was fucking hot. 

And this time Tom’s soft and dashing tongue went further, licked over Chris’ throat, down to his collarbone. Licked down into this hollow in between. 

Licked. 

Just licked. 

And Chris had to close his eyes. 

Cause this licking thing… God. 

Meanwhile Tom’s fingers ran softly over Chris’ biceps, so gentle it tingled. 

“God, I love your biceps!” Tom whispered, his voice filled with lust, a lustful shimmer in his eyes, and he pressed his lips on Chris’ upper arm, tasting, slightly biting in it, and Chris was just about to moan. 

“Can I lick it?”

Chris saw Tom’s eyes resting on his Dr. Seuss tattoo. He swallowed.

“Can I lick your tattoo?” Tom repeated and his low and seductive voice and his dark and luscious gaze caused goose bumps all over Chris’ body. 

“Sure…” 

This came out way too hoarse. 

And slowly, way too slowly Tom leaned in and when Chris saw Tom licking his tattoo, when he felt Tom’s soft tongue licking the sensitive skin of his inner upper arm he couldn’t help himself, he moaned. 

Because he just had to. 

He wasn’t even embarrassed. 

Because getting his tattoo licked by Tom, while Tom’s tall and hot body pressed him against the cold tiles, while Tom’s thigh and hard-on pushed against his groin, while Tom’s one hand rested on his waist, while the other searched his way behind his back to cup his ass cheek and knead it, parting it…  
He sure had enough reasons to moan. 

“Get up there,” Tom finally whispered seductively and pointed to the stairs leading out of the water. 

So Chris did as told, willingly, but still was led by Tom’s hands and his body so that he was exactly where Tom wanted him to be. On the upper stairs, leaving most of his body out of the water, only his legs still resting in the cool wet. 

Tom over towered him, lowered himself onto Chris and even when Chris was still taller and broader, Tom was tall, too. And this was sexy as hell. 

Tom slowly licked his way down Chris’ body down to his groin and God, just the thought of what he wanted Tom to do down there, let Chris moan. This moan becoming a loud and dark groan when Tom enclosed his lips with relish around Chris’ clothed hard-on, teasing him. 

He knew he should pull himself together while this Brian was standing outside. But he couldn’t. 

Tom’s hot mouth was sucking his dick through the fabric. 

While his lean fingers were running up and down on his belly. 

The teasing was just too much. 

When Tom’s fingers sneaked under Chris’s panties, pulling them down, releasing Chris hard and throbbing cock, Chris didn’t know how to help himself than to bite his lip till it hurt. 

A gentle lick over Chris’s balls, a slow lick over the thick vein on the bottom of the shaft, a brutally teasing lick around the tip of it and another one in his slit and then Tom’s mouth swallowed him whole. Sucked him, hot and wet, and made him shiver.

Fuck-ing God. 

Tom’s hands straddled his thighs a bit more, and he felt one of Tom’s fingers first resting at his entrance, then adding a little pressure and finally pushing inside.  
Tom literally fucked him with his finger till Chris felt a sensation he had never felt before! Good God! He moaned and groaned he couldn’t help himself. 

This new and thrilling sensation together with Tom sucking his cock made Chris almost come.  
But he felt Tom’s clothed hard-on desperately rubbing against his shinbone and he wanted it to be good for Tom, too, so he angled his leg a bit so that he could try to increase the pressure with his foot and it apparently worked, Tom moaned uninhibited, his moan giving his sucking an extra sensation that brought Chris even closer to the edge. He was desperate for release. He reached out for Tom’s short hair, searched for support and pulled. Another moan from Tom and Chris felt everything at once, Tom’s soft lips around his cock, his hot and wet tongue licking and teasing, his finger pushing in and out of it, rubbing again and again over this sensitive spot, Chris didn’t want it to stop but it was all too much… his whole body cramped... And without any warning - FUCK!!- he came in Tom’s mouth. 

GODYESFUCK! 

Never ever did he have such an intense orgasm.

What the fuck had just happened? 

He would have loved to linger in this post sex feeling for ever but Tom hastily crawled up the stairs, almost crashed on his back, gasping for air. 

Chris frowned. “Everything alright?”

Tom chuckled.

“I’m sorry… I wanted to prevent that my… _substance_ would float somewhere on the water.”

Oh God! This was hilarious!

Chris burst out laughing. 

If this wasn’t thoughtful of Tom.

But Chris wouldn’t expect it any other way. 

He crawled up to Tom and grinned. “Thank you for taking care of my… _substance_ , too.”

"You're welcome," Tom replied with a shy smile and _blushed_. After all he had done in the last 30 minutes, he blushed. Unbelievable. 

Chris smiled his stupid smitten smile and gave Tom a soft and loving kiss on the lips. 

_I love you, you stupid well-behaved British boy._

***


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Writing fics sucks. It feels fucking embarrassing.  
>  Cause most of the time you get the feeling that you do something completely wrong.  
> So my motivation is literally non-existing.  
> And this chapter is going to be short.  
> But I want it done. At least somehow._

#### Epilogue

***

So Chris now had unofficially an official lover. 

And boy, what a lover he was. 

Sometimes he was so hot for Tom that on set he had problems to tone it down. 

He did literally everything to find opportunities to steal a kiss from him without anyone noticing. Sometimes it was a just a harmless kiss on the cheek, sometimes a longing kiss on the mouth, sometimes something even bolder like a sensual lick on the neck. Or sometimes something stupidly romantic like intertwining his fingers for a millisecond with Tom’s. 

And sometimes he would just sneak into the trailer and do all of these things together. 

Tom’s reactions varied.  
Sometimes he was downright shocked and almost irritated because he was afraid someone would notice.  
Sometimes he would smile and blush bashfully, desperately trying to hide it.  
And sometimes – in the trailer – he would dash forward and press Chris against the wall.  
Chris loved every single one of these reactions. 

So in these first days after they decided to give all this a try Chris was blissfully happy. 

He could see that Tom felt the same. And Chris’ heart jumped with joy to know that he was the one making his Tom that happy. 

But they both knew that this carefreeness wouldn’t last long and their days of honeymoon would soon be over. 

Because it wasn’t just the two of them and they weren’t in a normal relationship.

Taika started giving Chris meaningful looks, like he had noticed and wanted to warn him about being more careful which in turn led to strange discords between Tom and him. Because suddenly Chris was all cautious and whenever he thought Tom got too enthusiastic he would be cool and almost rejecting. It was hard for them to find a middle ground. Even in the months and years that followed. Whenever they met publically they both had difficulties to find the right tone. But it was okay because they knew when they finally could close the door behind them and were alone, it was all good. 

But of course not only their live in the lime light was difficult. 

It was difficult for all three of them, Elsa included. They were all a part of this relationship and they all had their needs and claims. 

More than once one of them wanted to quit. 

Even Chris. 

Cause even if he had both, being with Tom and being with Elsa and the kids he sometimes couldn’t cope. He was torn and felt that he couldn’t please anyone. When he was with Tom he thought about Elsa and when he was with Elsa he thought about Tom. 

He had to learn to keep it apart.  
But he learned. Bit by bit.  
They all learned.  
They grew with their tasks.  
And every fight Chris had either with Tom or with Elsa - and there were a lot - it made their relationship and the will to go through with it stronger. 

Of course their relationship changed and they had to pass new obstacles again and again. Tom and Chris both had their busy lives, making movies, promoting movies and living on different continents didn’t help to make it easier. 

They could hardly see each other. 

It was naive to believe that this would work!

But they tried. 

It was difficult. 

And it was frustrating, really frustrating. 

But they learned to appreciate what they had. 

They couldn’t do anything else. 

Chris didn’t know how long they would be able to keep this up. 

But he reminded himself how grateful he was that he was giving the chance to love Tom. 

And that Tom loved him back.

***


	13. The Last Chapter (June 2020)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And because I’m really frustrated this got a little “mean”/ sad...  
>  Wasn’t planned. Andrew wasn’t planned.  
> But my mood wants it like that…  
> And I’m not even sure if I’m sorry because I don’t know for whom because nobody seems to care anyway._

#### The Last Chapter

(June 2020)

***

Tom looked at the message. 

Simple. Just four words. But it kept him thinking. 

The message was from Andrew Scott and it said: “Fancy a drink someday?”

It wasn't like they hadn't have a drink before. But Tom felt this one was going to be different. 

It had given Tom headaches for hours now. 

He had thought about Andrew for hours. 

And of course about Chris. 

It wasn’t the first time that he had been in this situation. 

It wasn’t the first time that he even had someone besides Chris. 

But it always challenged his feelings and questioned the relationship he had with Chris. 

He wasn’t sure Andrew was even interested in him but there were some mildly flirty situations they had in their last conversations. 

They knew each other for some years now, Benedict had introduced them on the BAFTAS in 2015 but it wasn’t until early 2019 that their acquaintance deepened and even became a friendship. Andrew came to see him in “Betrayal” and they stayed in contact afterwards. 

And now since the lockdown they talked on a regular basis. 

It just happened. 

And talking to Andrew was… nice. It felt good. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t love Chris anymore. He did. 

But Chris was just so fucking far away. 

And Andrew… was in London. 

Tom rubbed his temples and massaged his forehead with his thumb. 

The problem was that even when Chris called it a relationship… to Tom it wasn’t anymore. 

Because seeing each other only once or twice a year just wasn’t a relationship. 

It still was love. Love that would probably never go away. 

But Tom didn’t feel that Chris was his partner. And that wasn’t just because he still was with Elsa. 

It was okay. He had learned to accept it. 

And it wasn’t that he was in need of a relationship. Well, a normal one that was. He wasn’t desperate. 

During the last years he had learned a lot about himself. 

Figured out who he was and who he wanted to be. 

And he found out that being on his own was completely fine. 

He actually loved it. 

He didn’t need anybody. 

His life was rich and fulfilling as it was. 

He had close friends, he had his work, his passion. 

He had Bobby to keep him company. 

He was happy. Most of the times. 

But now... 

Right now Tom missed Chris badly.

Because of this shitty virus. And this feeling of being trapped. 

He missed being near to Chris. Not just talking on the phone. 

Missed kissing him. Missed fucking him. 

They wanted to meet at the Con in Boston in March. They had been looking forward to this for ever. All this built up longing…. And then the Con got cancelled. 

It was so hard. 

It was so fucking hard, so fucking frustrating that Tom had wished he and Chris had had their affair back then and that had been it. 

No fucking agreement and everything.  
No longing for something they would never have anyway. 

Of course they had phoned a lot since the cancellation. 

Tom smiled at the thought of Chris’ last call. 

_“I found this Loki doll from the twins… and I wondered… if this maybe works like a voodoo doll or something. So if I rub Loki’s groin like this… do you feel anything?”_

Tom had laughed. 

Chris could always make him laugh so easily. 

Like any other couple having a long distance relationship they had their go at phone sex. It was hot and dirty and fun. But it never could replace the real thing, it could never replace lying in bed together afterwards, arms and legs intertwined, feeling the breath of the other on his skin. 

Tom sighed. 

He definitely had too much time to think these days. 

So he made a decision. 

He wrote two messages. 

One for Andrew: _Yes, I’d love to._

And the other one to Chris saying: _I love you. No matter what._

Because he did. Not matter what. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Andrew
> 
> https://bvbjunkie.tumblr.com/post/619986676161413121  
> https://bvbjunkie.tumblr.com/post/619986901293776896


End file.
